"I haven't been with anyone since I got here," Reno admits after a moment, frowning at the loosened grip, unsure how he's meant to read it. He pulls his hand away, but only so he can fidget his hands in his lap, plucking at his suit jacket edges, fussing over his appearance pointlessly. Nervous. Upset. Uncomfortable. He's not sure why he thought it would be them running at each other across a field of flowers, but surely something other than being back at square one?
It felt like deja vu, all the circling.
"I didn't look. I didn't want to. I came all this way for you. Not anyone else. I didn't come here because I was looking fro fresh material, new faces. Whatever. I turned myself inside out to rush here, across time and space, because we were supposed to be together...I thought." He sighs softly, turning away and slouching on the bench to lean back, head tilting to stare up at the clouds passing, hands stuffing into his pockets.
"How the fuck do you think my life doesn't revolve around you?" he asks, cursing needlessly out of frustration, though his tone isn't angry and his voice isn't raised. He feels...defeated. Was it all just Lagunbiru? Was their worst fear - that everything was the drugs - really real? Had he made some terrible error in judgment following someone, who finally came to their senses and realized he wasn't worth a damn?
Had he in fact been too late? Was it his fault, in the end? He'd always thought if they broke it off, it'd be his fault...Should he have fought harder? He was so afraid of drawing the attention of the authorities before he knew the languages, new the streets, the way the currency worked. Things Emil hadn't prepared him for. Had he been so cautious that he spent too much time?
He's fallen silent, teal eyes darting about, looking at things only he can see as he runs over everything he must have done wrong. But how is he supposed to fix it? How does he fix two years of absence? He wants to get up, to leave and sort his thoughts out, come up with a plan, try to make things right, but if he leaves, if he turns his back for a second, he just knows Emil will disappear again.
"What am I supposed to do?" he murmurs, not for Emil's ears. Just a weary question for the world.
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It felt like deja vu, all the circling.
"I didn't look. I didn't want to. I came all this way for you. Not anyone else. I didn't come here because I was looking fro fresh material, new faces. Whatever. I turned myself inside out to rush here, across time and space, because we were supposed to be together...I thought." He sighs softly, turning away and slouching on the bench to lean back, head tilting to stare up at the clouds passing, hands stuffing into his pockets.
"How the fuck do you think my life doesn't revolve around you?" he asks, cursing needlessly out of frustration, though his tone isn't angry and his voice isn't raised. He feels...defeated. Was it all just Lagunbiru? Was their worst fear - that everything was the drugs - really real? Had he made some terrible error in judgment following someone, who finally came to their senses and realized he wasn't worth a damn?
Had he in fact been too late? Was it his fault, in the end? He'd always thought if they broke it off, it'd be his fault...Should he have fought harder? He was so afraid of drawing the attention of the authorities before he knew the languages, new the streets, the way the currency worked. Things Emil hadn't prepared him for. Had he been so cautious that he spent too much time?
He's fallen silent, teal eyes darting about, looking at things only he can see as he runs over everything he must have done wrong. But how is he supposed to fix it? How does he fix two years of absence? He wants to get up, to leave and sort his thoughts out, come up with a plan, try to make things right, but if he leaves, if he turns his back for a second, he just knows Emil will disappear again.
"What am I supposed to do?" he murmurs, not for Emil's ears. Just a weary question for the world.